Monday, October 4, 2010

Grand Theft Squash

Pretty colors.

What would you do if confronted by a large field of enticing squash calling your name? Would you say "Oh, nice squash!" and walk away? Would you fail to notice it completely? Or, like Dave the Paper Guy, would you steal stealthily into the field and help yourself to the nice verbal squash? Dave is a dealer in paper items (books, old photographs, etc.) I met at the consignment store I rent a space in. He's a nice guy, but has to be watched. Lately, he's been trying to sell an old rock as a "prehistoric fetish" for over $100.00. He actually had someone interested in the false fetish. Dave and his fetish is a prime example of Barnum's Theory about suckers. 


Before I met Dave, the consignment store's owner told me Dave looked like Charles Manson, but was a really nice guy. Personally, I think he resembles an old hippy with hair down to his butt and aerated shoes. He lives with his mother in a home containing his personal collection of paper. 

Not for the pot I hope!

The assaulted field holding the helpless squash is behind the weekly flea market in Seekonk, Massachusetts. Dave noticed the squash while examining rabbits offered for sale. The squash field was directly behind the rabbit cages. The squash was saying, "Dave. Dave. Dave." Squash has a limited, but effective vocabulary. It's only squash after all. 

Two is better than one!

Dave always arrives at the flea market by five in the morning when the first vendors set-up their wares. It's dark, cold, and isolated. In other words, the perfect environment for squash thievery. Carefully entering the field, Dave picked an enormous butternut veggie squash. Suddenly, he started to worry! What if someone sees me, he thought nervously. Hiding the squash in tall weeds, he returned to the flea market intending to collect his pilfered vegetable at a safer time. The "safer time" was not until the following week. He couldn't find the squash! Where was it? Well, there was only one thing to do! Take two new squash fast and run like heck. The vendors were so busy setting-up they didn't notice a thing. I asked Dave later if he ate his illegal squash. He said, "No, it's curing." So if you ever meet Dave, don't be alarmed by his old hippy look, but do cling to your squash.  

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